I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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