Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
