jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
