I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You can't special order awesome
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
