i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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