Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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