what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
