She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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