How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
