So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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