well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
