i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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