You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
