im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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