You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
