Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
