Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
