We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
