tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
