I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was CRYING into my vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
