How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize