Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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