I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
