once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
