I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
