Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
