Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i've created a new STD.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
