While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
