explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
