Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
