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Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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