PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
