Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
