come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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