GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
