when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
