So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
