How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
