We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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