trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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