I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
