I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
