nut hugger
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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