apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize