I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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