You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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