My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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