oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
