9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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