It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize