Small penises have feelings too.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
