those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
