You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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