at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
