The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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