he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
