The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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