thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
