I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
