What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
