My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
