In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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