no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
