there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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