i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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