Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
