i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
