We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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