You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
