i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
