i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
