he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
