Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
