Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
