did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
