so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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