CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
