went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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