it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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