So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
