Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
